Many people pride themselves in their unwavering honesty, their “what you see is what you get” quality. There are many merits to being this sort of person, and an equal number of advantages to having you as a friend. However, there are some occasions in which it really is just not appropriate to say certain things to certain people. This is especially true in the case of a wedding or engagement, where the couple has made very heartfelt, emotional decisions. They have included you in their plans because you are special to them; do not compromise this by being insensitive.
Here are a few of the things that you should never say to either of the individuals in the couple:
- “I presume you won’t be wearing white!” – The virginal status of the bride-to-be is actually nobody’s business but her own. It should also be noted that the traditional white wedding gown actually hails from ancient Rome, when white was a colour of celebration, and not a symbol of sexual purity. Using the colour of the dress to judge the bride’s bedroom experience is tantamount to expecting her to wear a neon sign.
- “Argh, weddings are so boring / lame / over-rated” – The bride and groom have spent a lot of money organising their dream day. If you are not a fan of weddings, simply do not attend. But don’t ruin other people’s romantic sentiments by being a “kill-joy”.
- “You’re getting married? Great, when are you planning to start a family?” – The couple is, presumably, getting married because they love one another, not because that is the only way for them to be able to start a family. In addition, this is another area of their lives that is actually personal and private. Respect that and let them enjoy the magic of being united.
- Anything about their weight – Weight is an incredibly sensitive issue. Whether you feel that either one of them is too fat or too thin, the chances are that they are well aware and do not need external input. Planning a wedding is stressful enough.
- “I never thought you would get married!” – This has all sorts of negative implications – you thought that they were too promiscuous, not desirable enough, too unconventional or would make a bad spouse. Keep your thoughts to yourself on this one.
- “Welcome to the old ball-and-chain life / trap of marriage!” – First of all, the couple has almost certainly been told this by every other unhappily married person they know. Secondly, they have made the decision already, and your saying something like this will accomplish absolutely nothing except putting a negative spin on the event. Rather, be optimistic and positive about their new adventure. Marriage is a challenge, but no one needs to be reminded of that every few moments.
- “Why are you marrying him / her?” – Even if you have major misgivings about their choice in partner, their wedding or engagement party really is not the time to be bringing it up. Also, remember that your tastes differ and you do not have to live with the person. So relax and enjoy the fun, and let them worry about their choice in partner themselves.
- “Wow, you’re getting married quickly!” – Unless you have a very valid point following on from this statement, keep it to yourself. Not everyone needs a year to plan a wedding. Some people know what they want and when they want it.
- “Try to make this marriage will last!” – Even when you say this as a (rather un-funny) joke, it is hurtful, nasty and unnecessary. A failed marriage is a very traumatic thing and no one needs to be reminded of their past mistakes or sadness.
- “This wedding must have cost you a fortune! Who’s paying?” – You are one of the reasons that the wedding is costing so much – the couple wanted to make it extra special for those with whom they chose to spend it. So, mind your manners and remember your place.
- “Of course I’ll come, and I’ll bring a date!” – If a date or partner was not expressly invited, do not bring one. The couple is paying for every person that comes; it is not a ‘free for all’. Be respectful of their budget and do not assume.
Photo Credit: The Frisky
This article was posted by Celebration.com.au - Australia Wedding Guide.